Gracious Dinner Party Guests

To Bring or Not To Bring... that is the question a reader recently brought up in reference to Dinner Guest Etiquette.  So, here is my viewpoint...   

Upon invitation, I believe it is polite to ask the host(ess) if you can bring something.  The host can always say "No, thank you" if they have a special theme in mind and would like to present their guests with a complete dining experience. Of course, an after-the-fact Thank You note is ALWAYS appreciated, but if you still feel that showing up empty handed is rude, then bringing a gift is fine.  Choosing a something non-edible, such as a candle or flowers, is a straight-forward gift of appreciation.  If wine or food is what you'd like to bring, just let the host know that it is just a little token of appreciation for the invitation and is meant to be enjoyed by them whenever they'd like - not necessarily that evening.  This way, the host(ess) doesn't feel obligated to serve it and doesn't have to guess if your feelings would be hurt if she didn't.   These small gestures will start the dinner party off with a warm and appreciative feeling.

With that said, if you are the host and you are inviting a particularly "sensitive" guest to dinner (you know who I'm speaking of), I suggest serving whatever they have chosen bring - even if it doesn't "go" with the menu.  It really isn't worth hurt feelings or any ensuing uncomfortable atmosphere.  If you are a food and wine connoisseur and have invited several friends with the same passion for menu planning, a simple announcement will serving the dish, "Thank you, Aunt Suzie, for the wonderful homemade fruitcake" will not only make Aunt Suzie feel appreciated, but will alert all your friends to the slight flavor deviation to your menu.

Enjoying a good meal with great friends is always a treat, don't let the good intentions of your host or guests to spoil an otherwise wonderful evening!